By Dai Xiaoting, China
My neighbor’s son, after graduating from college, found a good job earning more than 10,000 yuan per month, and later he married a good wife. After seeing this, I greatly envied my neighbor having such a successful son, who not only led a superior life but also gained glory for his parents. As the saying goes, “Man struggles upwards; water flows downwards.” At that time, I vowed to myself: I must get my son into university, make him find a good job and marry a fine woman in the future. Afterward, I made strict demands of my son, hoping that he could attain the life goals I set for him.
To help my son get a head start in life, when he was in elementary school, I would ask his teachers to help him more with his studies, and I would check his homework every day. … Under my strict management, my son was very obedient and his academic record was also very good from elementary school to junior middle school. His teachers said he was sure to enter a key high school. However, later my son did not test into the best high school in our city because of 1.5 points less than the entry score. Then I spent a fortune to get him into it. Later, he said he was under great pressure at the school, so we had to transfer him to a regular senior secondary school. Even so, I didn’t lower my demands of him. After the college entrance examination, he just tested into an ordinary college, so I didn’t allow him to go to that school but asked him to repeat a year at high school. My son didn’t agree and he wanted to go to the college, but I told him that he would not have a good future if he went to a training college. In order that he would have a good diploma, find a good job, and have good prospects, I thought as his mother, I had to make the decision for him. Therefore, though he didn’t want to repeat a year, I made him do it. The next year, after taking the college entrance examination, he was admitted to a general university, and I reluctantly allowed him to go to that school.
After graduating from university, he was assigned to a big company near his school and worked as an administrator. His job was cushy and quite well-paid. Besides, his boss appreciated his work abilities and thus promoted him continuously. Seeing my son finally became an outstanding person, I was very happy and thought it was all due to my taking charge of his life. However, the only fly in the ointment was that his girlfriend was too small in height. I thought they were not a good match, so I insisted on my son breaking up with her, and he did. Later, I took it upon myself to ask my daughter to find a good job for my son in our hometown and then asked him to come back home to take the job. I also planned to get my son a well-matched wife, thinking that in this way he would have both a successful career and a happy marriage, and all my wishes would be fulfilled. However, things did not go as I wished. After getting back home reluctantly, my son was dissatisfied with the job his sister had found for him. Later she found other several jobs for him, but he was dissatisfied with all of them. He just stayed at home and surfed the web all day long. Seeing this, I thought to myself: “It was so hard for me to nurture him into a university graduate. And now it’s the perfect time for someone of his age to pursue a career. How can he just stay at home and remain idle like this?” He continued this way for one year. I was so painful to see this and thought: The neighbor’s kid graduated from a training college, but he found a good job and a good wife and even has a kid now. My son graduated from a regular university, but stays at home doing nothing and doesn’t even want to find a girlfriend. He is almost 30, but has neither a career nor a wife. Whenever I thought that my son did not achieve anything, tears would pour down my face.
One day, my neighbor came to introduce a girl to my son. I told my son about it, but unexpectedly, he got angry and said: “Girlfriend! Girlfriend! You always talk about the girlfriend. This is all your fault. I had a girlfriend and a good job, but you always asked me to break up with her and come back home. Now because I stay at home and don’t have a job, you wear a long face all day. You think I don’t see that? I know you disdain me and resent my not achieving anything. I’m leaving tomorrow. You are the boss here. Whatever you say goes. You never ask me about what I want and you try to control everything of me. I’m just a chess piece in your hand.” After saying this, he went out, banging the door behind him angrily. His words froze me, and it was quite a while before I gathered my wits. Then tears welled up in my eyes and blurred my sight. I felt heartrending pain, thinking to myself, “Is this the son that I worked so hard to bring up? Could it be that I’m wrong in making plans for every step of his life? I just can’t believe this is how he repays me. The old saying ‘Children won’t do as their parents say when they grow up’ is absolutely right. Now he has grown up and become fully fledged, so he doesn’t listen to me anymore.” At that moment, my heart sank to the depths. I never expected that over half a lifetime of dedication would bring me only his misunderstandings.
Just when I was in pain and helplessness, the kingdom gospel of God came upon me. After a period of investigation, I became certain about God’s work in the last days. One time, at a gathering, I told my brothers and sisters the suffering in my heart. Then, according to my confusion and real difficulties, they read me some of God’s words: “Humans are not the masters of their own fate, yet they hope to change the fates of the younger generation; they are powerless to escape their own fates, yet they try to control those of their sons and daughters. Are they not overestimating themselves? Is this not human foolishness and ignorance?” “Because people do not recognize God’s orchestrations and God’s sovereignty, they always face fate defiantly, with a rebellious attitude, and always want to cast off God’s authority and sovereignty and the things fate has in store, hoping in vain to change their current circumstances and alter their fate. But they can never succeed; they are thwarted at every turn. This struggle, which takes place deep in one’s soul, is painful; the pain is unforgettable; and all the while one is frittering away one’s life. What is the cause of this pain? Is it because of God’s sovereignty, or because a person was born unlucky? Obviously neither is true. At bottom, it is because of the paths people take, the ways people choose to live their lives.” They also fellowshiped these words to me, through which I came to understand that God’s words are all true. I am powerless to control my own fate, yet I wanted to control my son’s fate, hoping that my son could get into a good university, have a good job, and then find a good wife. A successful career and a happy marriage—these were the life goals that I had set for him. To achieve these goals, I tried to take charge of everything of him and made him follow the life course I had arranged for him. I believed one’s fate was in his parents’ hands and as parents, we ought to take charge of his life. What I was doing was actually distancing myself from God, and trying to become independent and break free from God’s domination. Through reading God’s words, I understood: Man’s prospects and fate are in God’s hands. Only when we come before God and worship Him and come to know Him can we live a real life. If I rely on myself, regardless of what method I use and how hard I try, I am providing wrong guidance for him, and what I do is trying to break free from God’s domination and opposing His authority.
Later, I saw another passage of God’s word: “Satan corrupts and controls man, and man acts under the corrupt disposition of Satan, and inhabits a world that is corrupted by Satan and lives among corrupt people. The masses are unwittingly possessed and assimilated by Satan; man therefore has the corrupt disposition of Satan. … Man has suffered from Satan’s corruption for thousands of years and so man has become arrogant, deceitful, malicious, and unreasonable. All these things are brought about due to Satan’s nature.” From God’s word, I understood that after being corrupted by Satan, all we live out is satanic corrupt disposition. Satan always wants to occupy God’s position, wants to replace God, control man, and have man worship it as God. Just like Satan, I always wanted to control my son’s whole life and asked him to obey me in everything. It’s God who created man and rules over the fate of everyone. However, I wanted to control my son’s fate in my own hands. I was so arrogant! Now the relationship between us was so strained, this was all due to my arrogant nature. God is the Lord of all creation, and everyone’s life is controlled in His hands, so how could I plan and arrange my son’s fate? I should obey God’s sovereignty and arrangements. So I prayed to God: “O, God! I have been deeply corrupted by Satan and am full of Satan’s viewpoints and corrupt disposition. Due to my arrogant disposition, I always want to control and arrange everything for my son. God! I am willing to let go of myself and won’t control him anymore. I will only submit to Your sovereignty and arrangements.” Afterward, I read God’s words every day and began to do my duty in the church.
One day, my daughter called me and said angrily: “Mom, I pulled some strings and managed to get my brother a job in the Pacific Insurance Company. They are just looking for someone with a university diploma and it is an office job and also well-paid. But no matter what I said he wouldn’t take it. I really can’t figure out what kind of job he wants to get!” After hearing her words, I thought: “Before, he was not satisfied with the jobs his sister found for him, so he didn’t take them. This time, she found him such a good job in the state enterprise unit, which is what a lot of people long for. Why does he not want it?” I was very anxious and wanted to force him to take the job. But then I realized my arrogant nature was dominating me again and causing me to be unable to obey God’s sovereignty and want to control my son again. Thus, I came before God and entrusted the matter into God’s hands. Afterward, I saw God’s words say: “There is a simplest way to free oneself from this state: to bid farewell to one’s former way of living, to say goodbye to one’s previous goals in life, to summarize and analyze one’s previous lifestyle, philosophy, pursuits, desires, and ideals, and then to compare them with God’s will and demands for man, and see whether any of them is consistent with God’s will and demands, whether any of them delivers the right values of life, leads one to a greater understanding of the truth, and allows one to live with humanity and human likeness. … After you recognize this, your task is to lay aside your old view of life, stay far from various traps, let God take charge of your life and make arrangements for you, try only to submit to God’s orchestrations and guidance, to have no choice, and to become a person who worships God.” God’s word showed me the way of practice: to bid farewell to my former way of living as well as my previous outlook on life and values. I examined myself: What was my former way of living? Thinking back, I lived by the life views of Satan “One decides his own fate” and “Children’s fates are decided by their parents,” and so I relied on my own strength to plan for my son’s future. Thinking that one should always aim high, I made my son pursue standing out, demanding that he enter a top university. When he tested into a college, I didn’t let him go to that school. After he graduated from university, I still made him do according to my plans, asking him to work locally and find a partner that met my standards. When my plans failed and things didn’t go as I wished, I blamed my son for not living up to my expectations and not achieving anything. I had paid much painstaking effort and price and had great hopes for him. However, in the end, things didn’t work out as planned, and moreover, my son developed misunderstandings and prejudices against me. Reflecting on all of this, I knew that I couldn’t rely on Satan’s life views to live anymore. It was so painful to live like that. I should entrust everything of my son to God, let God make the decisions, and obey God’s arrangements.
Later, I said to my son calmly: “If you really want to return to your job in your former company, then just go back.” After hearing my words, he looked at me surprisingly and said: “Mom, did I hear wrong? Why do you suddenly not oppose my going back to work? Didn’t you want me to work locally and marry a local girl?” I sighed and replied: “Before, I didn’t believe in God and didn’t know that man’s fate is in God’s hands, so I was fooled and harmed by Satan’s thoughts and views. But now, I have understood: In our lives, what we do for a living, where we work, what kind of partner we have, and what prospects we have—all these things are in God’s hands. In the past, I always tried to take charge of your life, which made both of us very tired. It was all my fault. I will never do that to you again.”
My son decided to leave the next day. That night, after I had finished packing up for him, he suddenly got a call from a local company which invited him to be a manager. The job is cushy and well-paid, and so my son accepted it happily. Not long after, one day, my sister-in-law introduced a potential marriage partner to my son, and he didn’t resist this time but proactively made arrangements for their date. After I saw these, I was really overcome with emotion. I thanked God for changing me through His work, for allowing me to see the bitter results that my own arrogant nature brought, to turn around my previous, false perspective, and to not try to control my son anymore. Through experiencing God’s work, I also saw that only God can free man from the bondage of Satan’s thoughts and viewpoints. When I was willing to live according to God’s words and obey His sovereignty and arrangements, I was able to see that His authority is present everywhere and at all times. Now, not only my son has been given his freedom, but I also live in peace and sureness, and am completely relaxed and liberated.
