1. Do Not Go by Our Feelings or Personal Preferences in Our Dealings With Others, but Treat Everyone Fairly
We can meet many brothers and sisters in our church, and no one is perfect—we each have our own faults. When we come across all kinds of different people, most of the time we go by our own feelings and personal preferences in the way we treat them. For example, some people are good at singing and dancing, they may be talented in various ways and have many special skills, and so we will want to connect with them. Some people, however, may have no special skills and they may have some shortcomings and faults, and we won’t want to connect with them, but instead will disparage and belittle them, and in severe cases, we can even exclude and shun them. Furthermore, in our dealings with our brothers and sisters, we always look up to and idolize those who have served the Lord for many years and those in all levels of leadership in the church, and we like to connect with these people. Besides them, we enjoy interacting and connecting with those who have the same personalities, interests and life habits as us. For those whose personalities, interests and life habits differ from ours, however, we distance ourselves from them, unable to treat them fairly. In life, too much of the time we go by our own feelings and preferences in our treatment of other people. By interacting with people in this way, we not only end up constraining and harming them, but we cause our relationships with them to become stressful, and we then become incapable of getting along well with them.
God does not treat people based on their personalities, appearances or calibers, nor does He treat people based on their position or status. As long as someone loves the truth and pursues the truth, then God will enlighten and guide them, and He will lead them to understand His will. As for those who sin, as long as they make sincere repentance and refrain from committing sin again, then God will forgive them. Take the Lord Jesus’ disciples for example. Some were fishermen and one was a tax collector, but although they were of lowly status, they still yearned for the truth and, when they heard the Lord call to them, they were able to immediately give it all up to follow Him. This gladdened the Lord. The Lord spared no trouble in fellowshiping the truth to them and He methodically told them many parables to enable them to understand His will. To the sinners, such as the promiscuous woman and the chief tax collector Zacchaeus, the Lord Jesus saw that they were willing to repent and so He forgave them their sins, and He did not treat them according to the sins they had committed. From the attitude God takes in His treatment of people, we can see that He treats people in a principled way, whereas we always treat people based on our feelings and individual preferences, and this is at odds with God’s will and requirements. God has set an exemplar for us to follow and He has shown us the principles for how to treat other people. In our dealings with other people, we cannot go by our own preferences, and we cannot treat people based on whether they are good to us or not, or on whether we like them or not, or on their background. Instead, we should relinquish our feelings and our personal preferences, and treat every single person fairly according to God’s words. As long as a brother or sister sincerely believes in God and loves the truth, then no matter whether they are compatible with our temperament and character or not, or whether they have status and power or not, or what mistakes they may have made in the past, we should always treat them fairly. We should not discriminate, but should be loving, tolerant and understanding, for only then will we be able to get along well with others.
2. When Misunderstandings and Conflicts Arise, Do Not Fixate on the Other Person’s Faults, but Instead Reflect on and Know Ourselves
When a conflict or a barrier arises between ourselves and a brother or sister, we always fixate on the other person and believe that it is all their fault. Very seldom do we reflect on the issues that exist within ourselves. And when we come into contact with the other person again, our tone becomes hard and we act poorly toward them, and the end result is that we are incapable of getting along well with them. The Lord Jesus said, “And why behold you the mote that is in your brother’s eye, but perceive not the beam that is in your own eye? Either how can you say to your brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in your eye, when you yourself behold not the beam that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of your own eye, and then shall you see clearly to pull out the mote that is in your brother’s eye” (Luke 6:41–42). God scrutinizes the innermost heart of man and knows the corruption that exists in the deepest recesses of our hearts, and He warns us: When conflicts arise between ourselves and another person, we must learn how to reflect on our own issues, change ourselves first of all, and not fixate on the other person. In actual fact, most of the time the other person won’t necessarily have any issue, but rather it is we who are living within the corrupt dispositions of Satan and generating prejudices against them, which prevent us from having normal relationships. For instance, when other people make suggestions to us or they point out to us the flaws and problems in our work, because we live by our satanic disposition of arrogance and conceit, we therefore believe that there is nothing wrong with our work, and we cling to our own ideas and refuse to accept the suggestions of others, to the point where we develop prejudices against them. Another example is that, sometimes other people may say or do something which then has an impact on our own interests, such as our self-regard, position or money and so on. Because we are dominated by our satanic disposition of selfishness, we then begin to nitpick with other people and, in severe cases, even hold grudges against them. At times like these, if we fixate only on the other person in the belief that they are in the wrong and we find fault with them, and yet we do not reflect on our own corruption, then our opinions of and prejudices against the other person will become stronger and stronger, the misunderstandings between us will grow deeper and deeper, and there will be no way at all for us to have a normal relationship. If, however, we focus on knowing ourselves, if we reflect on the corruptions we reveal, come before God to learn the lessons and treat other people in the correct manner, then we will be able to get along well with them.
3. When Others Hurt Us, We Must Be More Tolerant and Forgiving Toward Them
In life, when other people do things that hurt us, we can very easily come to resent them. By acting this way, we not only prevent ourselves from having normal relationships with our brothers and sisters, but we will not even be able to get along well with our families and relatives. As Christians, then, suppose someone else does some things which really hurt us. How then should we treat them in a way that conforms to the Lord’s will?
The Lord Jesus taught us, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which spitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14). Thinking about it, in order to save mankind, God endured tremendous humiliation in coming to earth, and He expresses His words to water and shepherd us. When we are living in our corrupt dispositions, resisting God and rebelling against Him, God uses His words to enlighten and guide us, so that we are then able to understand His good intentions from within His words, and repent and confess our sins to Him in time; when we, as mankind, reject, slander and condemn God, God still cares for us, and He continues to perform His work to save us with the greatest patience…. God is so selfless and His love for mankind is so great! And yet we have been corrupted so deeply by Satan and we are filled with such satanic corrupt dispositions as being arrogant and conceited, selfish and contemptible, crooked and deceitful. When we encounter issues we often nitpick with other people and we won’t budge an inch. In our search for profit, we can often harm those around us, and we show no true tolerance, patience or forgiveness to anyone. Therefore, conflicts and misunderstandings frequently arise between us and others, and we become incapable of maintaining normal relationships with them.
So, in our dealings with others, we should try to emulate Christ. As long as the other person is a brother or sister with good humanity and who sincerely believes in God, then we should treat them correctly. Even if someone hurts us, we must still show them understanding, tolerance, and patience, and not attack them back. Moreover, when other people have difficulties, we must not make a big deal about the mistakes they may have made in the past but should still help them and support them. This way, we will be able to achieve harmony with others.
As long as you introduce the above three principles into your everyday lives and you practice and enter into them, then your relationships with others will gradually improve.
