I am a post-80s mother. After knowing I became pregnant, I had a mixed feeling of grief and joy. I wanted a baby, but bringing up a child in a metropolis wasn’t easy for us, especially under various pressures in the modern society. On the street, the signs like “Don’t lose at the starting line” could be seen everywhere and even all kinds of ads for infants, such as early training, brain training, and training classes, could be found everywhere. The moment I thought my family conditions couldn’t supply my baby with excellent circumstances, I felt disappointed. But then I thought the Internet was so advanced nowadays, from which I could see infant educational videos. Even if I didn’t have the conditions to improve my baby’s intelligence by taking training courses, I believed that my baby’s intelligence could also be enhanced if I taught her at home. Thus, I told myself inwardly: my child shouldn’t fall behind others and I must do my utmost to bring up my child as a talent.
In order to allow my baby to be smart after her birth, I, during pregnancy, tried to keep a good mood, bought some imported seaweed and calcium tablets to eat specially, hoping to deliver more nutrition to my child through my absorption, and moreover insisted on conducting antenatal training for an hour every night. After she was born and one month old, I heard that the ringing bells and palettes were of benefit to the development of children’s intelligence, I often used ringing bells to train her reaction ability and auditory sense, and took palettes to practice her visual sense. After a short of time, I found her could differentiate the direction of sounds soon and tell the color from the palettes. I felt indescribably excited at such achievements, felicitating that my efforts were not fruitless, and even more hardships and sufferings were of great value.
As growing up of my child day by day, I began to teach her how to read, draw and learn courtesies. Moreover, I bought a tablet computer online and downloaded some cartoons for improving her intelligence. Seeing that she learned everything fast, I felt on top of the world. I thought: my child was so smart now and would accomplish something when she grew up. However, just when I was immersed in my fond dreams, the things afterward made me at a loss.
Once, I was in the bedroom and called my child, “Nuonuo, what’re you up to? Come here.” After quite a while, she, holding the tablet computer, came out of the living room and said nothing. I asked her, “Nuonuo, did you hear me? Why not answer me?” She looked at me, still saying nothing, and then continued playing the computer. She was addicted to the computer. Even at dinner times, she stared at her tablet waiting for me to feed her. At ordinary times, she was unwilling to go to the restroom when she watched the tablet. It seemed that she lost consciousness. One night, she didn’t hit the bed until the battery was dead. However, it wouldn’t be a while before she woke up. The first word is, “Computer? Mickey? Minnie? (The names in the cartoons.)” After saying that, she found the tablet around the pillow, continuously calling out the names of cartoon characters, and finally found it on the nightstand. Then, she held it and went on watching under the quilt. Just then, I found there was something wrong with her eyes, and took a toy to attract her attention to see what was wrong with her eyes. Whatever ways I used to draw her attention away from the tablet, however, her eyes were still staring at it. I hastened to observe her from right ahead and saw her eyes blinking constantly. I paused the tablet in a hurry and her eyes ceased to blink finally. At that time, I saw her two pupils, which should have stared straight ahead, approaching to the inner corner of the eyes. I wobbled a toy and her eyes turned with it. After I stopped, I found her eyes were the same as before. I felt very scared, and why did her eyes become cross-eyed? What could I do? I was filled with an unspeakable sorrow and regret. My husband blamed me after coaxing my child into sleep, “Nobody educates his child like you! Allowing her to gaze at the screen of the tablet for such a long time, even adults could not bear, much less the child!” It really tugged at my heartstrings when hearing his blame. Seeing my baby sleeping soundly, I recalled the days that I was busy about how to educate her well from my pregnancy till now. I paid too much over two years, but why did my efforts bring me such a result? I couldn’t help bursting into tears, embracing my sleeping child and whispering, “Nuonuo, I do all the things to make your future full of promise. If one doesn’t have skills in the society, she will suffer from hardships and tiredness. Your father and I have suffered too much, so we don’t want you to step on our roads. Unexpectedly, I bring you so much harm. You are so young, but your eyes turn bad. It’s my fault…”
Several months passed, yet my baby’s eyes didn’t get any better at all. Just when I was anxious about my child, a friend of my husband preached God’s work in the last days to us. Through attending meetings and reading God’s words, I felt a great release from depression gradually. One day, I saw the words of God, “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite always rushing and busying about for himself, man remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a creature?” (Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). “People’s plans and fantasies are perfect; do they not know that the number of children they have, their children’s appearance, abilities, and so forth, are not for them to decide, that their children’s fates do not at all rest in their palms? Humans are not the masters of their own fate, yet they hope to change the fates of the younger generation; they are powerless to escape their own fates, yet they try to control those of their sons and daughters. Are they not overestimating themselves? Is this not human foolishness and ignorance?” (God Himself, the Unique III). “Why don’t you commit them into My hands? Do you not believe in Me enough? Or is it that you’re afraid I will make inappropriate arrangements for you?” (The Fifty-ninth Utterance).
Seeing God’s words, I seemed as if I had awakened from a dream, finding the fate of man is originally held in the palm of God’s hand. These years, I used to do things according to Satan’s rule of survival “Man’s fate is controlled by his own hands”, and depended on my own ability to educate my child. As a result, she became reticent and was completely immersed in the virtual world, losing the life abilities of a normal person and becoming cross-eyed in such a young age. I brought serious harm to her mental and physical health, which was my evil fruits caused by vainly hoping to alter her fate through my own efforts. While introspecting, I came before God and prayed, “O God! I thank You for saving me out of the bitter sea. Now, through reading Your words, I understand the subsequent fate and the future of my child are not depended on how I educate her or how much she learns the knowledge, but depended on the predestination of God and whether she worships God or not. Nowadays, I am willing to give up the Satan’s viewpoint ‘Man’s fate is controlled by his own hands’. At this moment, I only have a wish in my heart: to entrust my child to Your, and submit to Your sovereignty and arrangement!”
After praying, I suddenly felt much relaxed and released. I wouldn’t worry about my child’s future anymore. I would entrust everything to God, rely on Him, submit to His arrangement, and live in ease and freedom.
The image originated from the internet source
One day, when our family of three were singing hymns to praise God, my child held our hands to dance together, all of a sudden, shook our hands to beckon us to squat, patted our heads, and said, “Lie prone, Lie prone, hands, hands.” What she meant, I knew, was that she asked us to kneel down and prayed, for she knew we wanted to pray after singing hymns. Seeing that she began to communicate with us in such atmosphere, my husband and I were surprised at her action, and knew it was God’s great power and deeds and God was changing my child as well as our family. I said to her, “Nuonuo, let’s thank God together, shall we?” She nodded and said, “Ok.” Then, I prayed to God, “ God, Thanks for Your love. My whole family come before You to offer our thanks and praise to You! Today I feel indescribably excited at the change of my child. I know this is Your wonderful deed. I believe in Your almightiness and nothing is impossible for You. I will entrust the subsequent life of our family to You, and obey Your arrangements. Amen!” After my prayer, my child followed our words and said “Amen!”
Under the guidance of God, I no longer educated her as before, but often watch the choir albums of the Church of God, together with her and told her Bible stories. Gradually, she became increasingly lively and outgoing, liked talking and laughing every day and even, sometimes, knelt down on the carpet to pray to God with her hands closed. Deep from my heart, I thanked God for His great power. It was God who had thoroughly changed my child!’’
One evening, when I got her clothes changed, I suddenly found her eyes normal unknowingly. After seeing God’s blessings and His wonderful deeds, I was so excited that I was at a loss for words and thanked God unceasingly from my heart at the time. Before sleeping at night, she said to me, “Mom, sing the hymn of ‘For Adam also and Eve, the Lord God made coats of skins, and clothed them’?” Seeing that she liked to be close to God so much, I had an inexpressible feeling of happiness. Once I finished singing the hymn “God’s Realness and Loveliness”, she asked me to sing another three hymns— “Praise the Accomplishment of God’s Work”, “God’s Name Will Be Magnified Among the Gentile Nations”, and “How God Rules Over All Things”. After that, I asked her, “Nuonuo, are you happy?” My child, lying in my arms, nodded and said, “Yes!” Seeing this scene, I knew her joy was true. After she fell asleep, I came before God and prayed, “God! Today I see Your great power, and have some understanding of Your faithful essence. When I was able to be obedient, You bestowed Your mercy upon me like this, changing my previous erroneous viewpoints, and even bestowing grace and blessings upon my family. You not only made her eyes normal, but let her grow up happily and healthily. After this experience, I see that only God loves man most and only God cares for us. I am willing to lead my child, at her early age, to know it is God who saves her. I hope that she can believe in God and worship God after growing up…” After praying, I opened the book and saw the words of God, “Only the Creator has pity on this mankind. Only the Creator shows this mankind tenderness and affection. Only the Creator holds a true, unbreakable affection for this mankind. Likewise, only the Creator can bestow mercy on this mankind and cherish all of His creation. His heart leaps and aches at every one of man’s actions: He is angered, distressed and grieved over man’s evil and corruption; He is pleased, joyful, forgiving and jubilant for man’s repentance and belief; every single one of His thoughts and ideas exist for and revolve around mankind; what He is and has is expressed entirely for mankind’s sake; the entirety of His emotions are intertwined with mankind’s existence. For mankind’s sake, He travels and rushes about; He silently gives forth every bit of His life; He dedicates every minute and second of His life… He has never known how to pity His own life, yet He has always pitied and cherished the mankind He Himself created… He gives all that He has to this humanity… He grants His mercy and tolerance unconditionally and without expectation of recompense. He does this only so that mankind can continue to survive before His eyes, receiving His provision of life; He does this only so that mankind may one day submit before Him and recognize that He is the One who nourishes man’s existence and supplies the life of all creation” (God Himself, the Unique II). Among the words of God, I saw God is full of love, affection, and care for mankind. Only man lives under the supply of God’s words can he live a relaxed and free life. Now our family of three often read God’s words, sing hymns and pray together. When we praise God, all of us brim with a happy smile. I always expected happiness before and believed happiness could be gained through my own efforts. Nowadays, I know happiness comes from God and it will come upon you only when you come before God, truly worship and trust in God.