By Lisa, United States
One afternoon, I was busy with my work on my computer. Just when I came to the key part of my work, my colleague Zhang, coming back after finishing her business, slumped into the chair beside me and started to delightedly talk with Wang about the process of the business today. Hearing their conversation, I thought: My work is in the critical moment. Why can’t you care about me as you talk? You have finished your business, but I haven’t finished my work yet. However, for the sake of saving face, I was embarrassed to say anything. Then I forced myself to quiet my heart. Unexpectedly, the more they talked, the more excited they were and the louder they spoke. Hearing their laughter and chatter, my heart couldn’t calm down anyhow. Being unable to finish my urgent work, I was full of complaints to them, thinking: Can’t you consider others’ feeling? You concentrate on talking, regardless of whether others are affected by you; Aren’t you too selfish? Angry, I wanted to disturb their talking several times, but I remembered that I was a Christian, and that the Lord teaches us to love others as ourselves, so I should be tolerant and patient. Thus, I silently prayed to the Lord, and asked Him to help me quiet my heart so that my eyes wouldn’t be fixed on them. After prayer, I calmed my heart down a little. Just when I was about to put myself into the work, the shrill voice began again, which upset me once more. I opened my mouth several times to remind Zhang, but when I thought I didn’t have the right to restrict their speaking for this was in a public place, not my personal space, I didn’t say a word. Moreover, I was a believer in God, so I couldn’t let my hot-bloodiness flare up even more. In the intense inner battle, I managed to finish my work with difficulty.
I was morose. After getting back my shared house from work, I wanted to go online to fellowship with brothers and sisters about my condition. During our meeting, my roommates either turned on the water tap, or walked up and down, or sat down together to chat, not considering that I was gathering at all. Looking at them, I was very angry and resentful, thinking: It’s really awful to live with you. You are inconsiderate, and without any moral quality; you are too selfish. In the meeting, I couldn’t calm down owing to the noise around me, which made me more annoyed. I thought to myself: What was wrong today? I had a bad day in the company, and when back to my rented house, I was still frustrated.
After encountering two bad things in succession, I had to come before the Lord to reflect on myself. At night, thinking back the occurrences of the day and my behaviors, I suddenly realized something: Why did I reveal so many thoughts of looking down on others? Why did I always think people around me were selfish?
In my pursuits, I remembered the Lord’s words, “And why behold you the mote that is in your brother’s eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3). The Lord’s words made me wake up from my confusion. When encountering the unfavorable people, things and matters, I merely thought from my own perspective: I was working or attending a gathering and so I needed a quiet environment, but people around me didn’t consider that. As I made demands of others, did I consider their feelings? When she had a new harvest and development at work, my fellow was happy and wanted to share them with others, but I, in order to not be affected at my work, wanted to restrict her to speaking. After work, my roommates were in their free time, and chatted with each other to relax, but because I thought they interfered with my attending the meeting, I was still impatient and even got to disgust and complain to them. While I complained them of simply considering themselves and not caring about others, I ignored that I was doing the same thing as them. The Lord’s words made me ashamed. I only saw others were wrong, while I didn’t see I was irrational; wasn’t this arrogant? The Lord Jesus asks us to be tolerant and forbearing in all things, and not to treat others based on our hot-bloodedness. However, I not only didn’t do that, but even judged them in my heart. Didn’t this betray the Lord’s teachings? After knowing this, I thanked God for arranging such circumstances to help me have some understanding of myself. I was willing to repent and confess to the Lord.
Having understood the Lord’s will, I knew the way to practice the truth. When meeting this kind of environment again, I would first pray to the Lord in my heart, rather than rely on hot-bloodedness in my life. Besides, if someone really interfered with my work, I would calmly talk to him or remind him. When I practiced in this way, everyone started to consider others’ feeling. With an understanding and tolerance in the work environment and living space, I felt peaceful and steady. I knew this was the outcome of the Lord’s words in me. Thank the Lord!
