By Yaru
Having Different Habits, We Constantly Quarreled
Growing up in the countryside, I am capable of all the household chores and always whiz through them, so I can keep the family in line. But my daughter-in-law was the opposite. Though beautiful, she was pampered. She didn’t pay attention to hygiene, and was very lazy. Because of our different life habits, we often quarreled. In the end, we even became enemies.
Every time when I was about to clean her bedroom, seeing that she was watching a movie or playing computer games on the bedside, with bed linen unfolded, half of the sheet falling off the bed, her socks and trousers on the ground, and the skins of sunflower seeds and the bags of candies and ice creams thrown everywhere, I would become extremely angry, and tidy up her room in a rage, making something clang loudly. And my heart would grumble: You’ve grown up, but still don’t know to tidy up the room. You are really too lazy. One time, she complained, “Mom, could you hold it down?” I said angrily, “Ah! You resent that I made too much noise. So do it yourself!” She pushed a face and spoke loudly, “I never ask you to tidy up. Just stop. I’ll do it by myself later.” I said with a straight face, “Come on! You dilly-dally in doing everything. If I don’t help you, you surely will do it?” When I finished saying this, I left my daughter-in-law’s room in great anger. She slammed the door.
One late night, I was awakened from my sleep. I got up and saw that my daughter-in-law was still watching a movie on computer. So I said in a rage, “It’s already two o’clock a.m. Go to bed quickly. Won’t you go to work the next morning?” She replied impatiently, “But I’m not sleepy.” I scolded, “You’ve made so big a noise that I can’t fall asleep.” After I said this, I slammed the door and went back to my room. At nine o’clock the next morning, when I went to her room to do some cleaning, I saw that she was still sleeping. I was so angry that I even want to hit her. I thought: “How could my son marry such a woman like you? You are so lazy, and not capable of living properly at all. Is there anyone lazier than you?” I spoke loudly in a huff, “At night you don’t sleep, and in the morning you can’t get up for work. Is ever such a person like you? You piss me off.” Afterward, whenever I saw that she didn’t do as what I had told her, I would scold her. She often answered back to me, dropping her countenance, “You brought this on yourself. No one asks you to do it.” I said angrily, “Isn’t what I did for your own good and for our family?” Hereafter, my daughter-in-law and I became more incompatible.
One day, I saw a bag full of things in the kitchen. I opened it and found a sheet and my grandson’s clothes. Then I asked my husband, “What happened?” He answered, “They were thrown away by our daughter-in-law.” I said, “They are still good, and she threw them away. She’s really a prodigal. Can she manage the household well?” Seeing that I didn’t look well, my daughter-in-law didn’t speak to me, but sneaked into her bedroom. When it was very late on that night, I saw she was still playing computer games. The next morning, when we had breakfast, I called her but she was still on the bed sleeping. When it was past 11:00, she got up and ate. I couldn’t help scolding her again, “The things you’ve thrown away are still good. Why did you do that? Are you capable of managing the household? Every day you don’t sleep and eat regularly. Do you have a normal humanity?” She refuted, “I did not spend your money, and they were bought with mine. You’re really officious.” I said angrily, “Okay! You can earn money now, so we can live separately. I won’t take care of your son. Look at your room. It is in an awful mess every day, like a kennel. You’re more than 20 years old, but still don’t know to tidy up.” Staring at me aggrievedly, she slammed the door and went into her room.
Thinking back over every scene of what my daughter-in-law did, I found none of them was to my liking. I really couldn’t bear her. Sometimes, I would be angry without any reason the moment I saw her. I even felt disgust inside when I heard her voice. One time, she said to me resignedly, “I can’t stay in this house anymore.” Then I said, “All right! If you don’t wanna stay here, you can go away at once. I don’t wanna see you either. You can’t do anything. Are you rational?” What made me feel the most uncomfortable and suppressed was that though I did so much, I still couldn’t gain her understanding. Sometimes I cried with a grievance by myself and thought: Isn’t what I have done and said for the sake of your being able to have a good life and of this family? Not only do you not thank me, but you cast a dirty look…. In this way, I was often unhappy. My bias against her got deeper gradually. We often threw tantrums and quarreled and even became enemies.
Seeking the Truth to Know Myself
In the midst of the pain and struggle, I came before God and sobbed, “O God, I truly have no way out. Every day I live in such pain. I don’t know how to treat my daughter-in-law. In such an environment, I really don’t know how to experience it. O God, please guide and lead me….” Afterward, I read some of God’s words: “Cruel mankind! The connivance and intrigue, the snatching and grabbing one from another, the scramble for fame and fortune, the mutual slaughter—when will it ever end?” “Your reputations have been destroyed, your manner is depraved, your way of speaking is lowly, and your lives are despicable; even the entirety of your humanity has sunk into base lowliness. You are narrow-minded toward others, and you haggle over every little thing. You quarrel over your own reputations and status, even to the point that you are willing to descend into hell and into the lake of fire.” God’s word struck my heart. I reflected on why I lived so miserably and tiredly. Wasn’t it because I lived by the corrupt disposition of Satan? I always expected that I could hold power, and have the final say at home—put myself first and make my family listen to me. Especially when it came to my daughter-in-law, I always wanted her to act according to my demands in everything. As soon as she did something that was not to my liking, I would be angry and scold her. I was petty and prone to sulking. In my heart, I disdained her and was fed up with her, even to the point that I felt disgust as soon as I saw her, which made her and me irreconcilable as water and fire. In such atmosphere, I could feel that she also lived in depression, and didn’t feel liberated at all. Meanwhile, I was distraught with anxiety, lived in agony, and was unable to get out of it. Only then did I realized that Satan’s laws of survival, such as “Only I myself am honorable” and “Submit to me or perish,” had become my life. Living by Satan’s poisons resulted in my torments. Moreover, I showed neither consideration nor love for my daughter-in-law, but only indifference, attack and exclusion, which hurt her deeply and caused our family to have no warmth. I finally understood that why people fought, schemed, and jostled with each other, and none of us was willing to yield to others; that why fathers and sons, mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, and brothers became enemies. All of them were the bitter results brought about by our living by corrupt satanic disposition. At the thought of this, my heart calmed down.
I read another passage of the word of God: “People live for so many years, and are unhappy with eighty or ninety percent of what they encounter. You frown upon this and disapprove of that, but what do you dislike? Some of these things are actually your own problems, so you should not make a big deal out of them. When people get older, they realize that they are not noble, and that they are no better than others. Do not think that you are superior to other people, or more dignified and distinguished than they are; you must learn to adapt to your environment. … Furthermore, God has arranged such a fantastic environment for you. You have too many personal issues; you must learn to adapt, and not pick at the bad habits of others. Moreover, you have to be able to get along with them based on love, and get close to them; you need to see their strengths, learn from their strengths, and then pray to God and overcome your own problems. This is the attitude and practice of submission.” I also read a passage in the book “Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life” that said, “When doing things, we should take account not only of our own interests, but also of others’. Besides, we should learn to be more considerate to others, and to benefit them…. In terms of rationality, we should learn how to respect others. Even though someone may have shortcomings, we should not laugh at or look down on him. Also, we shouldn’t have motives in associating with others, but should learn how to respect others.” After reading God’s words and the man’s fellowship, I felt ashamed. God’s will is that I should first try to know myself in all things, and shouldn’t always fixate my eyes on my daughter-in-law. I should see her strengths more, and shouldn’t have unreasonable requirements for her. I should show more tolerance and patience for her. Reviewing my attitude toward my daughter-in-law, each time I felt it was her fault. I always saw her shortcomings and asked her to listen to me. As long as something she did was not to my liking, I would lose my temper with her. I even wanted to drive her out. I had never cared about or considered her feelings. I didn’t set a good example as a mother. I thought of the Lord Jesus’ words: “And why behold you the mote that is in your brother’s eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3). Right, I always fixated my eyes on her and found fault with her, but seldom reflected on my own problems. Wasn’t I too irrational? Actually, there were lessons for me to learn when God arranged such a daughter-in-law. His intention was to make me recognize my corruption, to change my corrupt satanic disposition, so that in my interactions with others I was able to treat them in accordance with His words. However, I failed to live up to God’s good intentions. I quieted my heart and thought: Although my daughter-in-law had some bad habits, each time I held a grudge against her, she would take the initiative to greet me without caring about my faults. These were her merits. But arrogant to the point of having no reason, I always took the stand as her mother-in-law and forced her to listen to me, and always wanted to hold power and have the final say. All that I lived out was Satan’s ugliness. Having recognized these things, my complaints and disdain toward her were less.
Under the Guidance of God’s Words, We Got along Well
One time, my daughter-in-law and I were setting up a stall to do business in a park. Because she spoke impolitely, a customer almost fought with her. Afterward, through other people’s persuasion, the customer left. Then I scolded her, “How could you speak like that? No only haven’t we made the sale, but you almost fight with the customer! You shouldn’t have spoken like that.” As soon as my voice subsided, she retorted angrily, “Only you are a good talker. From now on I won’t set up the stall or work. Only you are good, right? You always lecture me.” I thought: “You contradicted me in front of so many people, and how can I face them then?” I raised my head and wanted to scold her. At that time, I saw my husband and sons and daughters staring at me with worry in their eyes. So I bit back the words on my lips. Then I prayed silently in my heart, “O God, my daughter-in-law contradicted me, and I once again want to throw a tantrum and scold her. O God, I know what I revealed is Satan’s corrupt disposition. Please guard me so I can live by Your words, and tolerate and endure her.” After praying, I thought of the following words of God: “It is unacceptable for a person not to know themselves. Heal your own sickness first, and, by eating and drinking My words more often and contemplating them, live your life and do your deeds on the basis of My words; whether you are at home or elsewhere, you should allow God to wield power within you. Cast off the flesh and naturalness. Always let God’s words have dominion within you. There is no need to worry that your life is not changing; with time, you will come to feel your disposition has changed a great deal.”
Pondering God’s words, I understood that God’s will was that I could act in accordance with God’s demands in any place. However, thinking about myself, when my daughter-in-law answered back to me in front of so many people, I felt I lost all my face, and thus wanted to throw a tantrum and scold her. All that I revealed was Satan’s corrupt disposition, and I didn’t have any likeness of a Christian. In the past, I lived by Satan’s arrogant disposition, which brought both me and others sufferings and hurt. Today this environment befell me again, which contained God’s kind intentions. God’s will was to change me and He hoped that I could forsake my own satanic nature, and practice according to His words. Having understood this, I made a resolution: Today I must practice the truth and act according to God’s words, and never fall into Satan’s trap again. At that time, my heart calmed down. Then, I didn’t quarrel with my daughter-in-law.
When we were back home, all my family were happy for me. My husband said, “Do you know? We were all scared in the park. We thought it was over and this time you would inevitably quarrel. According to your character and temper, and face-saving being important to you, we were all worrying about you! Unexpectedly, you neither said a word nor quarreled with her.” My sons and daughters stuck up their thumbs, saying, “Mom! You are great! We didn’t expect you could do so. You’ve really changed.” Then, my daughter-in-law apologized to me and said, “Today I was wrong. I shouldn’t have ranted at you in front of so many people. Mom, believing in God is so good.” After hearing this, I shed tears with excitement and said to them, “Thank God! Without the guidance of God’s words, I couldn’t do it. It was the result achieved by the power and authority of God’s words.” Our family smiled happily.
From then on, when I had friction with my daughter-in-law again, I would consciously forsake myself and practice according to the word of God. Gradually, I sulked and lost my temper less and less. I felt particularly at ease and brightened inside, and enjoyed the happiness and joy of living by God’s word. What made me feel happier was that, my daughter-in-law gradually seemed to have changed into another person. After work at night, seeing some clothes on the washing machine, she would proactively wash them. She also knew to tidy up the house. Sometimes after I came back home late from the stall, I was so tired that I didn’t wash the bowls immediately. She would wash them. Seeing that she had been tired from work for a day, I felt sorry for her. So I said concernedly: “Thank you! But you must be tired after work. It’s late. Get some rest soon! I’ll do it tomorrow morning.” “Mom, you can go first,” She smiled, “I am not tired now. I’ll go to bed after finishing it.” At that moment, I felt warm in my heart, and thanked and praised God from the bottom of my heart, “O God! I can’t express Your salvation and love for me. Your word allows me to get along well with my daughter-in-law. This is the effect brought by Your words. It is Your salvation that makes my daughter-in-law and me no longer bitter enemies.”
