By Zhizhi
Immersed in evil trends, I was unable to extricate myself.
When I was 17, I started to believe in God with my mother. But after getting married in 2005, I began to care about pleasures of the flesh more. I seldom prayed, and seldom read God’s words or attended gatherings. My whole heart was immersed in chatting online and snapping up red envelopes on WeChat. Also, I frequently went out to dinners or shopping, or played mahjong with my husband and friends…. Gradually, my heart strayed farther and farther from God and I completely indulged myself in eating, drinking and merry-making, so much so that I couldn’t extricate myself from them. Just when I was about to be devoured by these evil habits, a sudden car accident awakened me …
God’s love protected me when I was in peril.
On August 6, 2016, my cousin’s family was busy building their house so I took my daughter there to help with the cooking. But it so happened that my cousin quarreled with his wife, and she walked off in a huff. So my brother-in-law drove the five of us—my cousin, I with my daughter, another sister-in-law and a child—to look for her. I was seated in the front seat holding my daughter, and my cousin, the sister-in-law and the other child sat in the back seat. Along the way, my brother-in-law drove so fast that we felt as if the car was flying. My sister-in-law anxiously yelled: “Bro, slow down. Don’t risk our lives for her sake alone.” Hearing this, I suddenly had a bad feeling in my mind and pulled at my brother-in-law, saying, “Bro, you really are driving too fast. This is dangerous.” While I was saying this, the car came to a hairpin bend on the winding mountain road, on whose right side was a ravine about six or seven meters deep, and on whose left a ditch full of weeds. The car should have turned, but instead the car flew straight in the direction of the ravine due to its high speed. Instantly, my heart leaped into my throat, and my breath almost froze. I thought, “I’m finished. I’m gonna die here today.” At the critical moment, I thought of God and so made an urgent cry to Him: “O God! O God! Save me!” With that, I held my daughter closely with one arm and gripped the handrail inside the top of the car tightly with the other hand. I squeezed my eyes shut and dared not to look ahead, my mind a blank. Just then, I felt the car suddenly turned square to the left, and with an enormous crashing sound, it hit something, rocked wildly for a while, and then stopped.
After being frightened out of my wits, I opened my eyes and saw that our car was trapped in a big tree. On the right side of the car was the ravine about six or seven meters deep. If not for this tree, the car would have fallen straight off. That was close! I hastened to check my daughter, who was terrified and weeping, and found she wasn’t hurt. Then I hurried to look at others to see whether they were harmed. Only then did I see that the interior of the car was twisted: My seat had been transformed into the shape of a twisted donut, the steering wheel was deformed, and the windshield was smashed into small pieces. My brother-in-law had gotten a terrible knock on the nose, which was bleeding, and he was semiconscious; my cousin, my sister-in-law and the other child were all thrown out onto the road from both rear doors. The door on my side was stuck by the tree and thus wasn’t thrown open. If it had opened, my daughter and I would have been thrown into the ravine at once; I didn’t dare to imagine the consequences. After a while, my cousin and my sister-in-law both felt OK, and my brother-in-law also regained consciousness slowly and got out of the car. Seeing this, I thought I should be OK too. But when I was about to get out of the car I felt such a heart-piercing pain all over that I quivered. I managed to move, but I found that except for my arms and hands, I couldn’t move any other parts of my body. Pain and fear welled up in my mind. I couldn’t help but call to God in my heart: “O, God! I don’t know where I’m hurt. I’m aching all over and can’t move. God! What should I do now? God! I beg You to save me …” After praying, I became clearly aware that maybe I had hurt my lower back. I knew not to move otherwise my life would be at risk. At that time, when my cousin saw I couldn’t get out of the car, they all tried to help me. I said to them, “Don’t touch me. Perhaps I hurt my lower back. I cannot move now. Hurry and call an ambulance.” While we were waiting for the ambulance, some drivers of passing cars stopped and watched us. I heard some of them say: “That was a close one! The car is damaged so seriously it’s a wonder they are still alive.” “The person in the front seat must be hurt seriously. If she has damaged her back, her whole life will be done for …” “Indeed! But she is really lucky. If the car had not gotten stuck in the tree, the door would have been thrown open, and she’d have gone into the ravine. In that case, she would definitely have died.” Hearing their conversations, I felt I was so blessed.
God’s love guided me and woke my heart.
After we arrived at the hospital, the doctor took some X-rays of my body and said to me: “There are serious fractures of your eleventh and twelfth ribs. The surrounding areas are also seriously injured. We suggest that you immediately get specialists from Beijing to perform surgery for you. But there are great risks involved with the surgery and you are likely to be paralyzed. So you should be mentally prepared….” These words made me nervous and scared in an instant: “Be paralyzed? How can it be so serious? I’m only 30 years old! What if I am really paralyzed? How am I going to live?” Thinking of this, I continuously prayed to God in my heart and asked Him to guide me to face this situation. After praying, I thought of God’s words: “So long as you still have one breath, God will not let you die.” God’s words gave me faith, and I calmed down a lot. Meanwhile, I realized: No matter what kind of situation happens to me it is ruled over by God and controlled by His hands, and my fate is even more in God’s hands. So whether or not I will be paralyzed is also decided by God. No matter what my physical condition is like, I will never complain about God.”
Later on, I was brought to a provincial hospital. After several attending doctors held consultations, they made the same diagnosis: My injuries were very severe so I would be in danger of serious paraplegia, and then only my head would be able to move. This news was like a bolt from the blue. Though I had already mentally prepared myself, I still couldn’t accept it. On top of that, I was in piercing pain all over. So all that I could do was to cry continuously. I thought: “If I get seriously paraplegic, I will have to lie in bed for the rest of my life, unable to care for myself, and I won’t be able to take care of my young child or my aged parents. Then what’s the meaning of my living like that? It may be better for me to die.” But at the thought of death, I felt really sad within. In my pain, I prayed to God again, asking Him to help me through this crisis. I remembered God’s words: “The utmost faith and love are required from us in this stage of work. We may stumble from the slightest carelessness, for this stage of work is different from all the previous ones: What God is perfecting is mankind’s faith, which is both invisible and intangible. What God does is convert words to faith, to love, and to life.” And I thought: “That’s right. Although I can’t see or touch it, I should still have faith in God. Actually, since the car accident happened, I have already seen God’s protection. Had it not been for God’s salvation by using the tree to stop me from being thrown into the ravine, I wouldn’t be alive now. Furthermore, in the time of my deepest pain and helplessness, God has guided me and given me faith and strength through His words. He is my ever-present help and thereby I’m no longer afraid and scared and can face the coming circumstances bravely.” Thinking about this, I was full of gratitude toward God; I truly felt that in a life-and-death crisis we can only depend on God. I felt deeply indebted to God and regretted that I did not read His words diligently or pursue the truth properly. Only when I might possibly be paralyze did I awaken. I was filled with remorse. If I could survive, I would believe in God and read God’s words properly.
My love for God became more real through refinement.
But just when I felt calm again, I saw a woman in my ward whose injuries were as severe as mine. She just had surgery. When her mother fed her, she choked on the food. A nurse hurried to her and hit her hard on the back. Her mother was upset to see that and said: “Be gentle. She still has wounds on her back!” The nurse said carelessly, “She wouldn’t have any sensation even if you cut open her wounds now. She can only move her head and she even doesn’t know whether she is full or not.” Hearing this, the woman could only lie on the sickbed, motionless, and look desperately ahead, tears streaming down her cheeks unceasingly. Her husband, however, sat aside and ignored everything. Only then, when I saw that woman, did I know what serious paraplegia was. At once, a sense of fear came over me. I thought: “If I become the same as she is, what am I to do? Not only will I have to spend much money and suffer much pain, but I will be paralyzed forever. If so, would my husband still care for me like before? Would my child still want to be close to me?” Thinking of this I hated myself even more: In the past, I’d pursued pleasures of the flesh, sought to have a good appearance, and loved to eat and have fun. My heart was far away from God. Instead of believing in God or reading God’s words properly, I wasted all my precious time in eating, drinking and merry-making. As I was thinking, another woman in our ward, whose husband had broken lumbar vertebrae, cried and pled with a doctor, “Doctor, please, please save my husband! As long as he can walk, even if he is incapable of taking care of himself I’ll pay as much as I have to.” The doctor said: “The prognosis will be the same wherever he is, even if in a hospital abroad. It’s not a question of money.” Upon hearing his words, I was overcome with extreme horror again and felt weak in my heart. I thought to myself, “Since I can’t hope to be cured and will be paralyzed after surgery, I would rather save the money to spend on my child.” So I cried and told my husband what I thought. All my relatives and friends present urged me not to give up easily, and said that surgery was the only hope for me to get back on my feet. But at that moment my heart was deadened, and no matter how they tried to persuade me I had already decided to give up on the surgery. I pulled the quilt over my head and kept crying, regrets and pain tearing at my heart. I prayed to God, “O, God! I always paid attention to eating, drinking, merry-making and pursuing pleasures of the flesh in the past. So even if I die, I will not complain. I believed in You and followed You, yet I didn’t focus on Your words, or practice according to Your requirements. I have done too many things that have caused You grief. God! My only regret is that I’m truly indebted to You because I didn’t cherish Your salvation or fulfill my duty well as a created creature. With the result that today, I have reaped as I have sown. God! I failed to live up to Your salvation for me …”
Hope welled up in my heart once again due to God’s love.
Just when I had lost all hope for my future, the attending doctor came to me and said, “Don’t cry. Your situation is different from theirs. Although you are badly hurt, you still have hope of being healed. After you got injured, because you weren’t pulled or dragged out of the car by other people, your nerves and bone marrow weren’t affected. Don’t worry. I promise you will be able to stand again, but I need your cooperation.” Hearing his words, I felt it was God who was encouraging me through the doctor’s mouth. “Yes, I’m different from them because I have God. I have God’s company and God’s protection, so I must have faith in God.” In retrospect, when I got into the accident, God gave me a clear thought that I couldn’t let anyone pull me out or my life would be at risk. The thought made me, who had no knowledge about first aid, avoid being hurt again and left me hope of being cured. At that moment, I felt extreme excitement, and the feeling of gratitude toward God in my heart truly couldn’t be expressed in words. From when the accident happened until that moment, God had always been by my side; His love for me was so real and practical. At that time, I thought of God’s words: “He does not want to sacrifice a single soul, and He does not wish to lose one single soul more; man, meanwhile, cares not for his own fate. So who loves you most in this world? You do not love yourself, you do not know to cherish or treasure your own life—God has the greatest love for man.” God’s words were like a loving mother consoling my heart and giving me a feeling of warmth. When I was about to abandon myself, God arranged for people around me to console and encourage me, so that I could have the faith to face difficulties. I truly experienced that only God loves mankind the most. Although I suffered some pain in the flesh when this car accident happened to me, it awakened my heart. I reflected on my actions: After I believed in God, I knew clearly that God came to work and save mankind, but I still lived by Satan’s corrupt disposition. Every day I just focused on eating, drinking, merry-making, and pursuing pleasures of the flesh. My heart moved far away from God and I became disobedient to God; I lived under Satan’s domain and was harmed and trodden on by Satan. However, God didn’t nitpick with me or abandon me, but instead He accompanied me, protected me and comforted me with His words when Satan afflicted me. I had seen God’s most true and real love for me. So I prayed to God: “God! If the surgery is successful, I will do my best to follow You and fulfill my duty to repay Your love.”
I saw God’s deeds when I awakened.
Five days later, the swelling on my back flattened out. Then the doctor scheduled surgery for me. On the day of my surgery, I prayed to God: “God! I commit myself to Your hands. Regardless of the result, I’m willing to obey.” In the operating room, a doctor put my X-rays on the magnifier to examine them and then whispered to several other doctors, “Her situation is so dangerous. Had the thoracic vertebra been a little bit forward or backward, it would have trapped the nerve or marrow. But now it is just misaligned. This left a space for the nerve and marrow. Nevertheless, there are still great risks involved with the surgery, and any little carelessness will cause paraplegia.” Hearing him say this, I was still afraid that the operation might fail. I then thought of God’s words: “Man’s heart and spirit are held in the hand of God, everything of his life is beheld in the eyes of God. Regardless of whether or not you believe this, any and all things, whether living or dead, will shift, change, renew, and disappear in accordance with God’s thoughts. Such is the way in which God presides over all things.” Yes! In the doctors’ eyes, this surgery was really too risky and had no chance of success, but one’s heart and soul are both in God’s hands, and whether or not the surgery would be successful was also in God’s hands. Four hours after I got out of surgery, a doctor said to me with uncertainty in his voice, “You can try to move.” I was surprised and said, “How can I move under anesthetic?” Another doctor said: “As long as you want to, you can do it. Your brain controls every part of your body. Hurry up and try to move.” Hearing what they said, I tried to move my feet. Unexpectedly, I did it! I couldn’t hold back my excitement, and then gingerly moved the other parts of my body. To my surprise, I could feel sensation in them all. The two doctors exchanged a high five with delight and said excitedly: “The surgery was successful! It’s really a miracle!” At that time, I was so excited that I didn’t know how to express my gratitude for God’s love. I could only offer up my thanks and praise to God in tears: “O, God, I give all my thanks to You, for You let me regain my health and live like a normal person again. Thank and praise God!”
Concluding Remarks
After undergoing that car accident, I have truly seen that eating, drinking, merry-making and pursuing pleasures of the flesh are nothing but vanity. When disasters come, these material things cannot give us the slightest help or benefit. God is the only One we can depend upon! When I relied on and looked to God, His words truly gave me sustenance and consolation and brought me the hope of staying alive. Thanks be to God! I will cherish this hard-gained salvation forever, believe earnestly in God and follow God for the rest of my life.
