By Ming Yan
My childhood was spent in the quarrels of my parents. I don’t know how many times I had been awakened by their quarrels at midnight. Since that time, my biggest wish was to have a happy family. In the blink of an eye, I reached the stage in life to get married. My relative introduced me to a potential partner, saying, “This young man is honest with others, upstanding and capable….” I thought that as long as he could be good to me and give me a happy family, it would be fine. Then I agreed to marry him.
I Received the Expected Happiness
One year later we got married, and at our wedding my husband swore before my mother that he would be kind to me all his life. Seeing his serious attitude, I was extremely moved and felt great happiness. After our marriage, my husband treated me well and cared for me with great solicitude in life. I also took care of our family with all my heart, feeling no bitterness despite all the hardships. When our son was several months old, my father-in-law went through connections to arrange for my husband a three-year study in a health school. Since then, all the household chores fell upon me alone; I bit the bullet and pulled myself through, with the thought that as long as it was for the sake of my family, all my hardships were worthwhile. Besides, my husband often praised me before others, which was a great comfort to me.
My Happiness Vanished Like a Burst Bubble
But such a happy life didn’t last long. After my husband graduated, he worked as an intern in our local health clinic. As his circle of friends enlarged, he began to eat, drink, and seek pleasures with all kinds of people and was often out all night. One night, at about two o’clock, my husband’s phone rang. I picked it up to answer it. It was a woman from our village. I asked her what she wanted to talk to my husband about. She said, “Nothing …” Then she hesitated and didn’t say anything, and then hung up. For a long time my heart couldn’t calm down. Looking at my husband sleeping soundly beside me, I really wanted to wake him up to ask him what that was all about. But I didn’t have such courage: If this is an affair and my husband admits it, then how will I deal with it? What will happen to my family and my son? If it isn’t true, will my rash judgment affect my relationship with my husband? … That night, I felt extremely pained in my heart. Finally, I chose to endure it all alone for the sake of the harmony of our family and hoped within that my husband wouldn’t do anything disloyal to me.
One day shortly after that, I went to the health clinic to look for my husband. He was on the cell phone, but as soon as he saw me, he hung up. I asked him who it was, but he didn’t tell. Then I insisted on getting his phone to check for myself, but he lost his temper with me and smashed it to pieces. His attitude stung me in my heart. It turned out that he really had been unfaithful to me. But I was reluctant to break up with him in order to give my son a complete family. So, once again I chose to keep silent, pocketing my pride. Later, I no longer lived frugally like before, and began to dress myself up, use good make-ups, and wear fashionable clothes: I wanted to redeem my husband’s heart in this way.
Later, my husband complained that his salary was too small from working in our village and wanted to go out to do business with his friends. Seeing that he would earn more money to maintain our family, I agreed. Several months later, he came back. One midnight, his phone rang and I answered it. But hardly had I said “hello” when it hung up. I was suspicious about this phone call. At dawn that day, I called my husband’s business partner. He spoke to me, “Your husband has long ago lived with that woman. Her kid has called your husband ‘Papa.’ I tried to talk some sense into him and your parents-in-law also know about this matter….” Listening to these words, I was stunned, unwilling to believe it was true. Tears kept running down my face uncontrollably. Over these years I had made every effort to take care of my husband and this family, but he had an affair with another woman. Even my parents-in-law kept silent about it, leaving me to be the only one who was unaware of it. I looked up to the sky and sighed deeply, and cried out in my heart: “What on earth is this all about? I only wish for a happy and complete family. My efforts for this family were sincere, but why did I get my husband’s harm and betrayal in return?” I felt it was a great insult to my integrity and dignity and that I had no face to see the people around me. I hated my husband and that woman to the core, and many a time I thought: If I met that woman, I would fight it out with her. It was she that broke up my family and brought all the pain to me.
In the Midst of Degeneration, God Saved Me Timely
Later, to avoid being laughed at by others, I began to disguise myself—forcing smiles before my friends and colleagues but weeping bitterly when I was left alone. Not wanting my child to suffer as a consequence of our problems, I struggled hard trying to give him a complete family. Yet this just made me feel so exhausted that I lived like a walking corpse every day. I was no longer inclined to take care of this family and when I was in emptiness, I tried to numb myself by drinking liquor, believing that I wouldn’t be that bitter if I got drunk. Also, I learned to play online games and made a male friend online. We poured out our inner thoughts to each other and when I told him about my pain, he said concernedly, “Few women are as good as you now. Your husband doesn’t cherish you, which proves that he is foolish. You can’t put all the eggs in one basket….” His words touched my heart. I thought he was right: Since my husband can choose his own lifestyle, so can I. Gradually, we kept nothing from each other as friends and sometimes, when I turned on the computer and found him offline, I would have a sense of loss for unknown reasons. By then, I found I had fallen in love with this man. I was in great agony. I had expected to ease my pain by venting my complaints to a stranger, but never did I expect to fall into another painful vortex of emotion. Immediately, emptiness, helplessness, conflict, and a sense of loss all came flooding into my mind, and I really didn’t know how to cope with it …
When I was perplexed, wandering at the crossroads of my life, God’s salvation came upon me. One of my classmates testified to me about God’s kingdom gospel. I saw God’s words: “The Almighty has mercy on these people who have suffered deeply; at the same time, He is fed up with these people who lack consciousness, as He has had to wait too long for an answer from humanity. He wishes to seek, to seek your heart and your spirit, to bring you water and food and to awaken you, that you may no longer be thirsty and hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time. He is keeping watch by your side, waiting for you to turn back around. He is waiting for the day you suddenly recover your memory: when you realize that you came from God, that, at some unknown time you lost your direction, at some unknown time you lost consciousness on the road, and at some unknown time acquired a ‘father’; when you realize, furthermore, that the Almighty has always been keeping watch, waiting there a very, very long time for your return.” My heart was warmed by God’s words and tears trickled down my cheeks unceasingly. I finally came to know that I was not a person that nobody loved or cared for, and that God has never distanced Himself from me but instead watched me by my side all the way to help and provide for me. In the depth of my pain and helplessness, it was God’s hand that saved me from the abyss of suffering, which made me feel God’s love and concern for me, and from God’s words, I once again saw hope in life.
Finding the Root Cause of My Agony
Later I saw God’s word that said: “These trends arise one after another, and they all carry an evil influence that continually debases mankind, causing people to lose conscience, humanity and reason, weakening their morals and their quality of character ever more, to the extent that we can even say that the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, and neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. So what are these trends? They are trends that you cannot see with the naked eye. When a new trend sweeps through the world, perhaps only a small number of people are on the cutting edge, acting as the trendsetters. They start off doing some new thing, then accepting some kind of idea or some kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, will be continually infected, assimilated, and attracted by this kind of trend in a state of unawareness, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it and become submerged in it and controlled by it. One after another, such trends cause people, who are not of sound body and mind, do not know what the truth is, and cannot differentiate between positive and negative things, to happily accept them as well as the life views and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them about how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them, and they have neither the strength nor the ability, much less the awareness, to resist.” God’s words told me the root cause of humans’ agony and degeneration: It turns out that the evil trends of Satan are eroding our thoughts, so we are more and more degenerated and corrupted, losing our conscience and reason and without our integrity and dignity. Thinking back, my husband and I could get along harmoniously at the very beginning, so our life was happy. Ever since my husband associated with all manner of friends, he had changed: Not only did he eat, drink, and seek pleasures, but he even had love affairs with other women. In the past, a colleague of my husband, who wasn’t a local man, had cohabited with a local woman and they even had a kid. When I spoke of it, my husband said, “It’s his decision. Don’t make a fuss.” Weren’t his thoughts affected and fostered, assimilated and twisted by the evil trends such as “Enjoy things while one can” and “The Red Flag does not fall at home, yet colorful flags flutter outside?”
In fact, my husband and I were both victims of Satan’s corruption, living in Satan’s affliction. To me, when seeing my husband had a lover, I hated him; to change his heart, I started a beauty treatment and dressed myself up…. At last, in order to get rid of my agony, I even followed the evil trends to find spiritual sustenance through association and chatting with males online. Just when I was trapped in Satan’s snare and couldn’t extricate myself from it and was almost devoured by Satan, God’s salvation came upon me. God’s warm words consoled my sad and lonely heart and I felt God’s love and salvation for me.
Following God to Walk the Right Path of Life
I read another passage of God’s words that said: “Whenever Satan corrupts man or inflicts unbridled harm upon man, God does not stand idly by, and neither does He brush aside or turn a blind eye to those He has chosen.” “What God wants to see is that man’s heart can be revived. These methods that He uses to work on man are a continual effort to awaken the heart of man, to awaken man’s spirit, to enable man to understand from where he came, who is guiding, supporting and providing for him, and who has allowed man to live until the present day; they are a means to enable man to understand who is the Creator, whom he should worship, what kind of road he should walk, and in what way man should come before God; they are a means to gradually revive the heart of man, so that man knows God’s heart, understands God’s heart, and comprehends the great care and thought behind His work to save man. When man’s heart is revived, man no longer wishes to live with a degenerate, corrupt disposition, but wishes instead to pursue the truth in order to satisfy God. When man’s heart has been awakened, man is then able to tear himself fully away from Satan. No longer will he be harmed by Satan, no longer controlled or fooled by it. Instead, man can proactively cooperate in God’s work and His words to satisfy the heart of God, thus attaining fear of God and shunning evil. This is the original purpose of God’s work.”
From God’s words, I understood: Satan uses all kinds of ways to corrupt and afflict us, aiming to trap us in its evil trends and devour us. But God can’t bear to see us wantonly afflicted by Satan and living in agony. He has cared for and protected us all along, and even provided for us by expressing words, so as to lead us out of Satan’s affliction and trampling. Under the watering and leadership of God’s words, I clearly saw Satan’s tricks and was unwilling to be fooled and afflicted by Satan again. After that, I cut off my contact with my online friend, and moreover, I put aside my inner hate for my husband, and didn’t bear resentment against that woman.
Thank God for His care and protection: When I was at the lowest point in my life and was about to be afflicted and devoured by Satan, it was God’s word carrying power that changed my degenerated life, turned me from the wrong path, awakened my spirit, and gave me confidence and courage to live on. From God’s words, I found the value and meaning of my life; I understood God’s will of saving man, and that only believing in and following God is the true way of life. I’m willing to read more of God’s words and perform my duty as a created being to satisfy God!
